Day 27

I have been thinking a lot about anxiety lately. (Funny how being forced to isolate can cause more anxiety than the pandemic itself.) It makes me think about all the demons I have been forced to face in my life. It makes me worry about others, and how they’re dealing with anxiety, and isolation. (My curse as an empath, I worry about strangers’ emotional well-being. It sounds dumb, but it’s the truth.) We all have baggage. Something that eats away the back of our minds. That fear or need which drives us to prove ourselves; or drown our sorrows. Whichever force drives you, if feelings of inadequacy, pain and anger are behind it, it’s never easy to face. 

I spent most of my adolescence in the care of a therapist. Learning to cope with trauma is never an easy process. The demons take root in your heart, soul, and mind. They camp there; in for the long hall. I don’t believe they ever leave. (No matter how many times I have kicked the bastards out, they always manage to slip back in.) I forever find myself falling back on old habits, and coping mechanisms. Darkness never more than arm’s reach from me; oozing through fractures which never fully healed.

As I fight my own battles, I wonder how those who are alone are faring with theirs. Do their demons have faces? Or have they been lurking under the surface, hiding from detection until the moment’s right?  Ready to wreak havoc at a the first sign of solitude.

If you are climbing the walls, feeling the anxiety pulling you from every direction with no relief in sight; maybe it is your subconscious telling you it’s time to face something you have been ignoring.

Ignoring that which makes you uncomfortable, will not make it go away. You are your own worst enemy. You are strong enough to face anything, you just have to believe. (If you are struggling and need to reach-out, contact me. I am here to listen. Seriously. You don’t have to fight alone.)

Today’s society has a way of making ordinary life seem boring, or somehow insufficient. Humans as, a species, are social creatures. We want nothing more than to feel accepted, validated, loved, and desired. When we feel bad about ourselves, we look to others to make us feel better. If you don’t have a healthy support system, it can have serious repercussions on your mental health. Living with constant criticism is hard. Being constantly told you’re lacking, or unworthy, is just as abusive as assaulting someone. 

Alternately, being overly praised, and privileged can be just as detrimental. Constantly relying on others for entertainment to alleviate boredom, is bad for cognitive development. Being fed ‘undeserving’ praise doesn’t allow for intellectual, and emotional growth. In fact, I believe those who are constantly told how amazing they are, tend to find it harder to succeed in life because they have been taught everything is supposed to come easy. Having to struggle with failure is a foreign concept. 

We all battle insecurities; be it body image, intelligence level, or social status. Now is the time to fight back. Take a stand against yourself, and those negative voices in your head. Find a way to start sorting through it all, and find your true self. Only you have the power to de-clutter your mind. Find what is important to you. Take this forced time alone, and really work on bettering yourself. Don’t think of it as a prison sentence. Think of it as an opportunity to get back in touch with the most important person in your life. If you can’t learn to love yourself and embrace your imperfections, then the meaning of might as well be, well…42. 

Thanks for reading.